let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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