Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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