every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
