I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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