It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
