I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
