Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
