I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
