Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
