Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
