i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
