Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
