i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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