I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
