I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
