He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
