areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
