She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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