Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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