Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
