i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
