I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
two words...techno handjob
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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