My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
