Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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