Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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