bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
