why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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