Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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