This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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