I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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