He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
