Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
