Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
