bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
