i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
