3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
