You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
