Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
