does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The uberlube is also flammable
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
