Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
