I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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