I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Randomize
