Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
