I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
