i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize