Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
