am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
