Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
