yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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