you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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