he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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