So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
